I am so sick of not being good enough. I am so tired that every time I think I've done enough, there was something I forgot, something I should have done. I hate being told I should've done this when it's already too late and being expected to fix it. I hate crying. I hate knowing that crying won't solve anything. I hate feeling like I have to hide the tears. I hate that I can't talk to anyone without them pointing the blame on someone else. It's my fault. I hate that I can't make the right choices. I hate that I want to be good enough because it sounds selfish. I hate being selfish. I hate when I'm told to make a choice but really they just are trying to make me do what they want. I hate wanting to hurt myself. I hate crying harder because I can't. I hate that I have promises to keep. I hate being put in positions where I have to make authoritative decisions. I hate feeling like a failure when I didn't live up to expectations. I hate when I don't live up to expectations. I hate when I work hard and I don't get any results. I hate when my parents talk about me like I'm not there and I can hear them. I hate crying. I hate that I can't get off without feeling immense guilt. I hate that I cry when I masturbate. I hate that I feel attraction to someone that can't reciprocate that feeling. I hate being alone. I hate crying. I hate how my eyes hurt after crying. I hate that I can't have a discussion with anyone without revolving it around to myself. I hate that I make other people worry about me. I hate crying. I hate that I can't form good opinions. I hate that I've made bad choices. I hate that I can't move on from the past. I hate how my parents act like I'm not there when I tell them I have work to do. I hate that they don't listen to me about my feelings. I hate that I can't talk about my feelings without feeling guilty. I hate that I can't listen to Mr. Brightside without people being angry with me. I hate that I can't lose weight. I hate trying to lose weight. I hate not being enough.
I hate crying.
